A Comprehensive Guide
When looking for a fuck buddy, it is very important to consider various elements before you even start making a mental list.
- Why do you want a fuck buddy and not a boyfriend?
- Are you sure you want a fuck buddy and not a boyfriend?
- Consider how having sex with someone could ruin your friendship.
- Now, consider that ruined friendship. How bad is that going to be?
Honestly, looking for a fuck buddy is not a good way of acquiring a boyfriend. Don’t think you’re clever and going around the building to sneak in through the back door. When men think they’re getting casual sex, they are getting casual sex. Whatever you’re getting, say, your hopes up that he’ll want a commitment instead of no-strings-attached sex, you’ll be getting disappointed.
I think fuck buddies are a great idea if both parties are operating on the same frequency. I say again- both parties need to communicate. Also, both parties need to be willing to walk away from the table if things get messy. If either person decides they want something beyond casual sex, if the sex is awkward or just plain bad, or if either person meets someone they want to begin something with, the sex is going to stop. And you need to be OK with it.
Fuck buddies are a convenience. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have time for boyfriends and all the crap they bring- dates, meeting the family, etc. And, frankly, I don’t have the energy and I’m just a little too bit about me right now. That’s right, I said it! Me, thank you very much. I like to sleep in, hog my own remote, leave my bathroom in the state I like it and throw dirty laundry wherever it may land. So, no boyfriends, please!
You cannot pick a fuck buddy up from the bar. That’s not a buddy, that’s a new acquaintance. You should have had contact for awhile, no his last name and at least his major or where he works. Friends of friends are great options. You want familiarity but not a guy-friend you treat like a gal-pal. My friend Brian, for instance, could never work as a fuck buddy- I’m way too comfortable telling him about dying my hair, shaving my bikini line, that wicked zit I popped last night and my period.
My most recent fuck buddy has gone AWOL. Why, you ask? He broke the rules. Well, we both did, but he started it! (I know… sigh) First, we decided we wanted to try “dating.”
You can’t go from a few years of casual sex, in between your respective long-term relationships, to trying to start your own. You cannot do it. You get too accustomed to being buddy-buddy. We had no idea how to treat each other like Significant Others. We’d been doing the “Wam, bam, thank you Ma’am” (love that phrase) for too long. It was habit to get up, get dressed, and get home. It’s been a huge cluster-fuck and we haven’t spoken since before Thanksgiving.
Now I have to find a new one. Casual sex at your convenience is like an iPod. When it’s gone, dammit, you want and need a new one- STAT!
My current candidate is an ex of mine. Yes, I believe it can work out when two parties used to be committed but are no more. Of course, the platonic relationship should have been going on for a long enough period where you can feel comfortable talking about daily stuff like work and school but not too comfortable, like complaining about your period cramps.
The Ex and I broke up about a year ago and we’ve had a platonic relationship for a couple of months now. I’ll say this: when we were together, the sex was awesome! I also believe he and I are open enough with each other to the point where one of us could look the other in the eye and say “This isn’t working,” and we’d be OK afterward.
So, keep in mind, fellow hunters!
- Find a buddy, not your best friend.
- Make sure you’re not trying for something “more” than just sex
- Make sure you’re prepared for the worst or to work through the worst
- Prepare to walk away, quickly, silently.